We all should know by now that you’re different from your sibling. You should know they’re planning on putting their stuff over there.
I have a new lesson for you. There is something called an apostrophe. It is used either in possession or contractions. This symbol ( ’ ) is not to be used in something considered plural. For example, it is “rabbits” not rabbit’s.” Also, When you write something such as “I ♥ blah” in second or third person, it is “she ♥ blah” or “Liz ♥s blah.” There is no reason to put an apostrophe in such phrases. If it was placed between the heart and the ‘s’ in the final example, it would translate to “Liz heart’s blah.” This would then translate to “Liz heart is blah,” which is still highly improper.
Please learn the language correctly. =)
I definitely miss you, I’m not gonna lie.
Even if I don’t chase after a different guy, I just need to be single for a while.
I have a big life ahead of me, busy years to come.
Tomorrow starts this new life, one where I try not to feel pain.
I still want to cry and hold you the same.
I need to get over, try to move on.
I know history will repeat itself somewhere further along.
Yeah, I wasn’t planning on writing a poem; it just somehow came out that way. The dude is cool, but I don’t see myself staying with him for a long period of time. I think it’ll just be a little bit of “cutesie” fun, but probably not too much, especially after he goes back to school. I definitely regret the decision with Crouton and I, but I know I need to have a single life for a while and to make sure I know what I’m doing in life because I don’t want to look back and hate myself.
I am sending my thoughts to a beloved musician’s family. The great Ernie Bucio passed just a short while ago. I didn’t think I’d cry for someone I hardly knew. He was an inspiration to everyone he met. He is believed to be even more famous than Mancini. I hope for a public service so that Ernie’s family can see how much Modesto and the music community will miss him. Not many of us were able to visit him in the hospital, though I’m sure many more will make an effort to say their goodbyes. If I could afford it right now, I’d pay for Crouton’s airfare to return home for a few days for the service.
Rest In Peace, Brother. AEA.
Looking at different insurance policies. For my insurance alone, my dad pays 185 to 190 a month. He wants me to start paying for my own car insurance, now that I have a job. No problem. So, I’m shopping around… I might be able to spend as low as 160 a month. Yeah, I’ll save the money if I have to pay my own insurance.
Got rejected for the Kohls charge card. No problem. It was because I have no credit history. Haha. Hopefully the other company accepts me! I’d use my card to pay for ballet and my insurance. I’d probably stick to my debit card for everything else.
Speaking of ballet, that starts on Tuesday! I won’t be able to pay until the Friday after it starts. So, this Friday. Haha. School also starts this Monday! I’m so excited! I’m almost done with MJC! Next semester, if I can, I will be taking my final class for my Skills Recognition Certificate and either English 102 or 103. If I can’t take the last class, I just have a single class to worry about. Woot.
So, last night I went and shot my bow for the first time! It has a very heavy weight for what it should be. (It’s a 25#, but feels like a #35.) It have some pain in my arms, but no bruises.
And bruises! EVERYWHERE! I had four unknown bruises on my legs. I had another I knew the cause of. Whatever. They’re fading. Unfortunately, there’s even more bruises, now! I have three new bruises with no known causes, and one of those is on my right hip. W. T. F. lol.
And for the guy. He’s a cool dude, but I think when he goes to school, I’m not gonna pursue him any further. I have so much stuff to worry about. I want to stay single for a while. I have a future to worry about. Money to save. I have to become a “grown-up” by this time next year, when I leave for school.
And I TOTALLY got off-topic! Back to last night! Archery was fun! I used a few different bows, and had better aim with them, but I was really enjoying using my own bow.
Got home and made homemade noodles for friends. In the process, Stacey came home. She didn’t want noodles. Fine. Watched Batman with my friends, they left after. Awesome night. Til Stacey comes out and yells at me for not warning her that I was going to have friends over. I yelled back. She got fucking upset. My dad went and talked to a crying sister for almost an hour, while I was texting my big, trying to not think about it. After my dad is done talking with her, he comes out to scold me, saying “blahblahblah she has anxiety, I should treat her better than that blahblah.” I’m sorry, her lack of social skills is not from anxiety AND neither my dad nor my sister know I have fucking depression and him scolding me for not thinking of her anxiety with my friends, which hanging with friends is my way to avoid my depresssion, puts me in a horrible mood that forces me to lose sleep and actually take the full dose of my medication for the first time in months. Awesome.
Overall, I’ve been doing pretty decently. I think under all the stress, I’m under, I’ve been keeping myself together pretty well! I’ve even had a jump-start on my online class, and only have a fraction of one of the assignments left. Woot.
That is a definite. I just feel slightly uncomfortable. I want to make sure this goes very slowly. I want to make sure I am going to be completely happy. Especially since you’re leaving, soon. I don’t know what’s going to happen after that! Just one baby step when I feel I can keep balance right now. A lot of shit has happened in my life, and I want to keep drama from gaining momentum. I’m not completely saying, “no” to you. I just want to make sure this is going to last before I allow myself to fall even a little more.
for two cards. First is the Kohl’s charge card. Second is a Capital One Student Credit Card, with a custom card. Heck yes. I’ll find out if I get approved for either in the next few days. Woot!
Stacey is asking questions about him. Like seriously? Am I not allowed to have a part of my life be private? It’s fucking annoying, that’s for sure.
All my packages came in, today. No more stuff to wait for. Sad face. The Forever21 package was amusing, because I was looking up the tracking info and it said it was delivered about an hour and a half before. So, I went outside, and there it was! The stuff I got looks pretty awesome.
Other than that, nothing new to report!
- Hufflepuff. HUFF le PUFF.
- They’re mostly considered nice and peaceful.
- They live right by the kitchen.
- Their head of house teaches herbology.
- “Badger” is exactly the kind of animal a stoner would come up with.
- Slytherins obviously do cocaine.
- Bless this post
EVERYTHING MAKES SO MUCH SENSE WHY DID I NEVER
I don’t mind you read my blog. Perfectly fine. It’s there for me to vent, whoever sees it can read it. I don’t appreciate that you go and tell all your friends that I know. I don’t like my blog interfering with my facebook or twitter. Facebook is my “Happy Place.” Twitter is to vent, but not in detail like my blog is. I ESPECIALLY don’t like when it is on facebook, it’s in the form of a comment, where everyone can see it. Not how I work. No one in my family knows a lot of the shit I post on here, and for good reasons, whether they include fear of safety or family relationships. If I want to say something on Facebook, I’ll say it. Things I do not appreciate on facebook include, but are not limited to: my relationships, job status, private life, friends, etc. I don’t even post most names of friends because I want to protect their identities as well if some sort of shit were to happen. So please, let my blog stand on its own.
I ate a sundae cone as part of my lunch. After my nap, I saw my sister eating a pudding cup with whipped cream, so I decided to eat one. For dessert, my dad treated the family to Dairy Queen, where I had a small hot fudge sundae. =)
On a side note, I apparently have Ciana’s approval for hanging with him. She says he told her, but I know that isn’t correct. Oh well, I’ll talk to him about it later. I did get to talk to him a lot, today. He really reminds me as being a combination of Will and Crouton. Isn’t that what I’ve been asking for? Teehee.
I have work at the Dance Bag, tomorrow. I really enjoy working there! Can’t wait for another day full of everything dance related.
I also have my ADD meds to start taking again on Wednesday. I need to get them in my system before school starts back up. Woot. I’m nervous for school. He’s slightly upset that he has to leave in a few weeks to go back to school. It is rather depressing, but I’m sure we’ll find a way to make this work.
He had never been to Mr. T’s. I hadn’t seen “Rock-A-Doodle” in years. Also watched X-Men (the original series). Talked on his bed for a long time, ‘til his mom kicked me out via text. Haha. Made up excuses, hanging with his aunt. He’s a good piano player. His house has almost the exact layout of mine. He’s ticklish. We have a lot in common, except he likes Thomas the Tank Engine. Haha. I don’t mind. Drank orange juice, and it was delicious. I can’t wait to hang, again.
You take too long to pass when I’m impatient. Just as an FYI. I think you should change that. Make time shorter when I’m impatient, and extend the length when I’m having fun. Sound good?
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I’m not going into theater….but Shane does deserve it!
And no reply. I knew I shouldn’t have held my breath over all this. But it was worth a shot.
EDIT: I shit you not, less than 30 seconds after publishing this, I got a text back. I have skill.
It’s been a while since I’ve seriously had butterflies in my stomach like this. Texting until three in the morning. Wanting to hang with friends again, tonight. Baby steps right now. =)
My big and Greg are trying to help me with this. They really are doing a great job. Telling me I need to be obvious. Haha. Just simple things.
I love the butterfly feeling.
Never was given a number. I wasn’t sure if today was the day we were supposed to start dressing in all black. Whatever. I put my dress and some shoes next to my keys before work. Left at 3:30. Forgot my dress.
Got to work at 3:45. Everyone else was wearing black. Went to TJMaxx for something cheap. Apparently that doesn’t exist at that store. Was going to drive home to change and drive back. Hit every freaking red light possible, was stuck behind so many slow people. My gas light turned on. I was going to have to change, put gas and drive back to work. I got home at 4:30. Already half an hour late for work. Had a break down.
Yeah….not working at Forever21, anymore. At five, I just gave up and cried. Dad came home, told me that it’s all my fault that I should still be trying to go to work. Stacey said the same thing. I still haven’t called to say I quit. I have to go and pick up my check eventually, I bet. Oh dear.
While I feel even more like shit now, I know this will all be a large amount of stress lifted from my shoulders. Still feeling a bit like a failure right now. Family doesn’t help. Having to deal with Crouton this morning didn’t help. I just want to curl up. I want to do something with friends to get my mind off of life, but I don’t really want to text Greg or Kevin to see if anything is going on. Oh well.
I don’t fucking know. I don’t want to go to work. I don’t like working at Forever21, anyway. I don’t know how to react. You don’t seem to get that this isn’t JUST because I felt bad. I need a fucking break. I need to be on my own, to not worry about someone unless I want to. Not because I feel I have to. I just want to sit here and not worry about a single thing! That note just made me feel even worse. I feel like shit. I want to run away for a day. I want to forget everything for a while. I just want everything to go away. You really are not making this any easier. Just let me be for a single day. Please.
I don’t appreciate it. You know, how you just sit there and wait until whoever is over to leave just so you can blow up and get pissed off at me for every little thing. I really don’t.
And I don’t appreciate this second person just asking questions which always make me feel guilty when I just want to live a life.
And I just don’t enjoy guys very much, right now.
It’s the movie with Rupert Grint. First 3 minutes and I was already laughing. Now, to watch the rest of it. I also have to make sure my shirt for work gets dry for tomorrow.
You have your questions. Trust me, this is tough.
It’s not fair when I feel like I’m starting to fall for someone else.
It’s not right to be worried about “what if we don’t last?”
I feel horrible leaving you in this condition.
It’s not fair that I question my feelings for you everyday.
It’s not fair when I honestly wonder if I’m just keeping you around for the sake of having a relationship.
It’s not right to feel neutral in your arms.
It’s not right that I see other couples and wish I could be them, when I had you here.
I don’t get why this is all so horribly confusing.
It’s not fair that you have to deal with all the side-effects of the medications I take on a daily basis, which can include mood swings, weight gain, loss of appetite. Yes, those do actually mean a lot. Mood swings are self-explanatory. Weight gain makes me look less pleasant. Loss of appetite isn’t good when I’m supposed to be eating every three hours.
It’s not fair that I finally made a decision and that I’m sitting here, fighting back tears all the time.
What is fair? I honestly want you to be happy. You deserve someone better. You will find someone better It doesn’t seem fair now, but it will get better.
I’ve conformed to your horrible standards. I’ve found a job. I’m going to college. I’m buying clothing that’s “in” to fit into the social world. I just left Crouton. Horrible. I know I will feel horrible for a bit, but right now, I feel like I need to cling to my medication as much as I can for a while. I feel so numb and alone right now, but if this is what you want, universe. If you think this is what I need. I still want to say a final “fuck you.” That is all.
Shitty feelings are on overload. Three hour conversation with Crouton. Broke up. It really is difficult, but it really wasn’t fair to him. Of the people on my side - they think it is a good idea in the long run. It doesn’t mean Crouton can’t be my best friend.
He apparently knew it was coming. A friend had told him about it. I honestly feel like shit.
So, if I hang with Crouton tomorrow, I’ll do it tomorrow. If I don’t hang with him until Monday, I’ll do it Monday. Either way, I will be single in a few days. I’m not doing this because of my new crush. I’m doing it because I’ve been thinking about it long and hard. I got the opinions of one of my best friends and the opinions of my big. They’re both older and know relationships better than me. So, it will be done.
if you’re gay, that’s cool
if you’re a lesbian, that’s cool
if you’re bisexual, that’s cool
if you’re straight, that’s cool
if you’re transgender, that’s cool
if you’re still deciding, that’s cool
if you’re asexual, that’s cool
if you’re pansexual, that’s cool
if you hate on somebody for their sexuality, fuck you.
Okay, it’s time to grow a pair. I need to sort everything out. I need to talk to Crouton. I need to figure out where new thoughts/ideas/feelings are going. I’m super excited for school to be starting. I’m happy to be working. Speaking of work, I said I’d help find a job. I’m going to. And…I’m gonna see how he feels. When I have the guts to do so.
Two games freed up over 7gb of space. The problem I seem to be experiencing is that I still don’t have enough room for music on my laptop. I have 17gb of pictures, which might be part of the problem. Haha. I want to put all the music (besides holiday music) my family owns on the computer, but that’s about 50 gb of music. (With Holiday music and books, it’s almost 70 gb). I only have 38 gb free on my laptop. What will I do when I get my new ipod? lol. So much to worry about!
Honestly, I don’t get those stupid celebrity crushes. Yeah, I totally want to do NPH and Olivia Wilde, but I don’t think about it constantly. Okay…Olivia Wilde…maybe. lol. But it’s not a crush. Now, I have a crush on Andrew. I totally have thought of him as my favorite member of Tally Hall like…since almost the beginning, but meeting him was just amazing. lol. Can I go stalk Tally Hall, now? No, I won’t. But I just want to be able to hang with the band for a day, and Andrew for maybe a week. Or more. It seems totally 16-year-old high school, but I don’t care. =D
CDex isn’t working on my comp. I want to make a new ringtone from Andrew’s song. o.o Fucking want.